Muse - I

Height

First thing caught by the eyes

Smile

Head bowed down, eyes lowered, smile presented at it’s best sight

Humor

Kind and un-kind – mixed at the same time

Nature

Talkative – anything and everything being the syllabus

Knowledge

Full yet open to new sources

Wisdom

Not yet mature but certainly more than others of same age

Being Muse !

Being a Muse

Is what he desires,

Hearing this from the Muse

Is how it inspires !

Centre piece of discussion

Highlight of the talk,

Every action being scrutinized

With each word spoken looked upon !

Knit words into posts

To speak for a personality,

Exposing the muse to reality

To the world as a noun !

It's not easy as it sounds

It may please or displease,

It will be how it appears

Reality at ease !

Eyes see it all

One humid afternoon

You were spotted

Black shirt black trouser

Exploring the premises

Something tricked her

To look your way

Something was being planned

Real far away

This and that

And some chit chat

How Unknown became known

Is yet not known

Year passed

She flew away

Bidding goodbye

Never to come back again

Strange things happen

And they happened again

They were in same place

Yet unknown again

This is odd

Is all that you said

Where is this thing going

Is all that she thought

शरारत

कद ६ फुट १ इंच
सीना ५६ इंच
उम्र २६ साल ९५ दिन

इसको  छेड़ दूँ
उसको  छेड़ दूँ
पूरी दुनियां छेड़ दूँ  ।


आँखों में शरारत
दिल में बेचैनी
दिमाग सोच में
क्या कैसे किसको कब छेड़ू !

हर समय चलता एक विचार
किसको बनाऊ अगला शिकार
कौन है मेरा सानी यहाँ
एक ही हुआ है मुझसा यहाँ !


सबको हँसाने का है ज़िम्मा मेरा
सच बोलके या झूठ
कौन करे इसकी परवाह ।

कोई हँसता
और कोई रुठ जाता
कोशिश में इसकी
कभी कभी हू मैं  हार जाता ।


पर कोशिश नहीं छूटेगी
एक दिन ये दुनिया याद करेगी
वो जो हँसता भी था
और साथ में मारता भी था ।

YouTube is working !

Father: "So how much does it costs"

Daughter: "$770"

"Okay and how much is it in India"

"I tried looking in online and the closest model is around 60k INR but that of a low configuration. The exact model as this is not available with prices online. I will try to look for it in some store in some  mall."

"That’s okay. This is nice. I like it."

She smiled.

Mission Accomplished – she thought.

Mission to persuade him that $770 were well spent.

"So does it play songs. How is the sound quality?"

"Ofcourse Papa it does. It’s a $770 machine."

And there it was. Wide happy bubble of moment savaged

Click – type – type – www.youtube.com

YouTube main page displayed. Click the link of a song and boom!

Error occurred.

HP ENVY x360 m6 Convertible – couldn’t play a video because of a stupid bug due to an update.

** SIGH **

"Ofcourse it will play…  $770 machine" judgement was declared.

"$770 – yeah right!", no point in advocating anything now, she thought to herself.

P.S.: If you are facing the same problem, close all chrome sessions from task manager and restart the system. It Works!!!

From Beginning...Till End - The Chat II

Part II

I am ********

How did you get my number? (she had just got a new one and it wasn’t updated anywhere for anyone to find out)

I tried a lot to forget you but just couldn’t do and to see you in suit is something that made it more tough to forget you.

I really like you

And I am leaving the company. Today is my last working day here so I thought of messaging you 

everything before I go. I am D******* from Noi**

It’s really weird to talk like this. I know it’s weird for you too but there really was no other way to talk to you now that I am leaving. Another reason is that I never had the courage to talk to you upfront also.

Hmm…but tell me how did you get my number?

Via office communicator

But is it wrong to tell somebody their feeling especially when they are going away too far from that person

How did you get my name?

No it’s not wrong but the way you are handling it is wrong. Being honest is the most important thing.

One day in office when you were in cafeteria, your friend called you by your name and I was around following you as usual. There I got your name.

And why is it wrong. I like you from a year now and yes I am honest.

1 year, OMG, I don’t believe it.

Yeah, 1 year but I did not say anything. Had no courage to do so.

Okay

I knew you would take this all in the wrong way. But I like you so told everything.

No, I am not taking it in wrong way but if somebody is approaching like this so I don’t know!
Tell me who you are and how you know me. That’s all I wanna know

I told you the truth. I did a mistake by telling you all this.

No it’s not like that

Hmm..When I had the courage I did what I wanted to do. Don’t take me otherwise but I really like you and this can never go anywhere so this has to end here.Bye take care. Will never disturb you ever now.

From Beginning ... Till End - The Chat

Part I

Hi (He)

Hi (She)

Where are you

Who’s this

??

Somebody mad for you, where were you in bus today. Couldn’t see you

Bus?

Who’s this?

I am sorry that I am messaging you like this. But I really like you

??

Am working in ********* (same company as hers)

***** office (same office as hers)

I am ********

Don’t take me otherwise.

You have got very beautiful eyes

I watch you getting on and off the bus daily but never gathered enough courage to talk to you.

Watch me daily !!! Really

I want to see you daily but can’t. L

Have loads of work in office

Bye

Between you are really beautiful

Especially your eyes.

J Jokes apart, now tell me who’s this

I am ********

How did you get my number? (she had just got a new one and it wasn’t updated anywhere for anyone to find out)

Really tough job it was to find your number. I tried a lot to forget you but just couldn’t do and to see you in suit is something that made it more tough to forget you.

I really like you

From Beginning ... Till End !

Narrative story posts

How it started

What lead to what

Who was involved

How it all got evolved

Every story has an end
Every end also has a Beginning

Her part of the story she has meaning to tell

But no one ever asked

From Beginning ... Till End!

Feels like !

"Now you would have dated many girls", professor asked
He nodded.
"Okay", came the thought, startled by the nod.

"See...that's what am talking about....", and the class continued.

-------------------------------------------

"It was nice though it was alone, but that's okay. You cannot expect all the time to be with someone", she was thinking coming back from shopping.
It was dark already and she was tired.
Tired enough to look around or see who's doing what.
"Yeah, I like that place", were the voices coming from the couple seated in front of her.
From the attire one could easily tell they were going on a date.
"Yeah, I had been waiting for this evening.", pretty girl smiled.
"That's why I have been laying my a** off at work. So that I get one day off for someone", he was charming.
They continued to appreciate each other in their life and then joked about a thing or two. Next topic of discussion was some categorical humor.

Earphones were plugged in but she could tell.
She could tell that two souls were having a nice time.
Nice time that they have been waiting for for so long.
So long that now the world around them had ceased to exist.
To exist was only the other one.
Other one who was with them tonight.
Them tonight were to enjoy.
To enjoy and have fun of lifetime.

But what would she know
She knows not how it feels like
Felt like something missed
Missed forever from her part of life!

The end

"I am getting married"
She was listening.
"I met this girl and then I thought I am too tired to meet someone else after this. She is nice so why not settle down with her", he was excited.
She was listening.
"I want you to come to my wedding so plan your trip accordingly", he ordered.
And tears came rolling down her cheek.

She was his childhood crush.
She was his teenage crush.
She was and always been his crush.
They had been in different cities. He had dated many girls while she chose to date none.
Personal choice.
Choice for life.
They had never been secretive with each other.
A bond they shared without being in a relationship.
She knew she can trust him and he knew she can be relied on.

"Yeah, I will try", words were pushed out from her mouth.
"***** I want you to come"
"Yeah, send me a picture", she urged.
"I am going to take her for a night-out today. Have planned it to give her a surprise for I have been too busy for her this whole week due to office. And I will open a bottle of red wine with her, only for you"
"Yeah..enjoy. Okay I gotta go"
It was her birthday.
The day she lost him.

----------------------------------------------------

"Get down from your side and don't lock the door. I will get down from your side only"
"Why? There is so much space from your side"
"Na, there is some garbage down here so .."
"Oh Okay"
They were there to attend a marriage.
Few clicks, thoughts shared and they were back in the car.
"You look beautiful", he praised
"I know, thank you"
"This pink color really suits you. I didn't know you can look so pretty in traditional not that you are not pretty."
"I know I know", she chuckled.
He was flirting and all praises that night.
She has been trying to be at her best behavior not to offend her dear friend of class five.

They were back in car now.
"See on the side of your door"
A bouquet of red roses.
"Will you marry me?"
"****** please. We have talked about this. You deserve better than me. You know where I stand ..."
"Don't go. I will get it all settled"
"It's not that easy. It's not my choice. I am just following what my heart and stars are asking me to. I may fail and scared for that but I don't have any other choice now. Am stuck at all levels"
"I don't want to listen to all this. You have the most beautiful eyes I have seen since fifth grade. Most pretty smile I remember from our childhood days and never did I try to hide this from you"
"I know and this is why I am with you at 2 in night. I trust you and more than that I respect your honesty. Never did I deny about us being together but never did anything strikes to me about this as a future"
"Trust me for once"
"I do but... "
"Don't go"
"I have to"

zzzzzzzz

zzzz

zzzz

She turned to her left

He was in deep sleep

Huge, giant figure

Bulky body 

lying helpless

in blue cross check full sleeves

Eyes shut

Mouth wide open

Open arms

With snoring in process

Sleeping beauty is fiction

But there lied

Sleeping life

as non fiction

She looked and turned

Just to look again

Sleeping is contagious

And to see someone sleeping so close

Became disastrous

One of the moments

You had not thought of.

But one of the moments

You had dreamed of!

Eyes started becoming heavy

Laptop in front was now a thing of despise

Down went the screen next

Place for her to sleep was devised

Suddenly she was taken by her arm

Him calling her to sleep by his arm.

The look of his calling

Something to remember by

Were you looking out for her

Being fast asleep all the time?

Most thoughtful thing you did

Since we have landed in this new time!

... know ... what ... did !

I know what I did
I am already paying for it
It's hard to resist
Impossible to forget.

It wasn't how I had anticipated
It isn't how I had wished it to be
But now
it is what it is!

Most amazing feeling
This how I had imagined
With the most special person
This is how I had expected
Longing togetherness
This is how I had imagined
Forever and ever
This is how it should have been.

Now that it's done
Nothing can be changed
Whats done is done
It can't be changed!

Respect it
or turn your back on it
It's your choice
But forget about it
I really don't think that can be a choice.

I don't regret it
Neither do I hate it now
It's just how it is
And I have to live with it now!

I am strong enough to cherish it
And cherish what it was when it was
Frame those moments
Forever to be watched.

I respect it
And expect the same from you
For it being something to me
And nothing to you!

You were never there
It was just a boundation for you
For she was never cared for
But don't worry
As soon she may not be around!

Dreams are vague!

"I miss you"
"Yes, I miss you too"
"I can't believe it's been two years since I saw you
Seems like yesterday that you were gone", she replied.

"I know", she said.
I have been counting every second since I came back
Every second planning my next visit home
I know it's been two years now. she thought in the back of her mind.

It has been a long night.
Tiring and weary.
Drained out of energy
Quickly she went dreamy

It was all blurr
Chilly as hell
"Where are you going", said the voice
"Home", answered she!

What stops you
Why you cannot
No this is not right
Voices kept telling her

With a shrill
The dream was broken
She was home
But how, this was still unknown

She got out of bed
"Good morning, you feeling better now?, got greeted by her father
"Yeah but how did I...",she was puzzled.
"Last night you bought a one way ticket"
"A ticket to come home"

Apetite

An innocent look

Like that of a child

Planning a notorious act

In the back of his mind!

"I can't tell

I can't discuss

I am gonna be caught"

Are the various thoughts

"How do I say

How I execute it

But I have to

Let me calculate all possible ways"

She was still there

He still had it

Eyes playing hide and seek

There she got it

Dancing of the eyeballs made it quite clear

Mouth wanted to speak

But tongue had made it unclear

"Do you want some"

Were the words waiting to come out

She heard them anyway even when they weren't said aloud

"That's okay. You know about my small appetite."

So came the bright shine in his eyes

The meal was devoured with a wide smile!

Dreams are Stupid!

Table was laid

Mild wind with mild chills

Perfect evening for a candlelight dinner

With serene  peace instilled.

"Especially for you Mam"

Came a cake

Decorated with multicolored sprinklers

And a candle lighting up the bake.

What else could be more pleasing 

Than some undivided attention

Cheers to life

And the cutlery started clinking.

"It's nice to have you", she said.

"I am glad you said that", he replied.

Moments of endearment

No space for bereavement.

Tush!

Broke the dream!

She had dipped her finger in the fire of candle's beam

Cling, the meal check-in was posted online

Afterwards came in a message.

"You should have asked me."

"To hear another No and not come along?", came in the thought.

Dinner alone on the D-day

sounds stupid

But then

Dreams are stupid!

Dreams are dubious!

"Let me go clean my room"

She took off from her sight.

She wanted to get away

from the shackles that were tied

She took out the album

Started feeling how it felt

When the time was young

How alive had she felt

Her mother got up from her chair

Came to her room and stood there

Waiting for her to notice her presence

But her mind was already in the absence

Come I have made something she liked

Yeah, I was just going through her pictures

It's nice to remember her today as part of our family

Yes, And it's nice to still think of her as daily

They both smiled

Smiled in-front of each other

The moment she turned, they both broke into tears

Wake up!

We are getting late

Quickly she got dressed, for it was her sister's D-day today!

Words seem to be pompous

Every act being glorious

But then 

Dreams are dubious!

Dreams are Silly!

"Baby"

"Yes"

"Write Something. It's been ages."

"I know. No time for blog"

"Why, why would you say so"

Blushed with love

Everything seemed right

Companion like muse

Life sounded nice!

"I have some posts

lined up 

coming up

But you know how hard it is for me finish a write up!"

"Why Why Why"

He just won't keep silent.

"I want to read all that you can write."

She wrote about love

She wrote about fights

And

She wrote about everything

that seemed right

How could you

"How could you what"

How could you cheat...

"What are you gonna do. Blabber it to the world?"

Yes. I will, she cried.

Then happened the fight

Bad words and rife.

Down she went 

with the force that came with slap's strike

world ended there for her 

as the soul had taken it's plight.

Suddenly she woke up in her real life

Opened face book just to hit like

Like on his post, celebrating a year of togetherness

With his girl, for whom she could never qualify.

Some more posts she scrolled and pressed unlike

This portrays her as tilly

But then

Dreams are silly!

“Picking up the pieces of a shattered dream is better than having no pieces to pick up at all.” 

― Matshona Dhliwayo

Dreams are foolish!

Late night.

Working on final paper for semester

By the window, on the table

Laptop, a cup of coffee and papers scattered all over!

Hand on head,

Eyes into the laptop

"This is shit"

Was the stuff going in her head.

Then rang the cell phone

"Who is it"

"I have got a delivery for you", came the answer.

What could it be

At this bizarre hour

Who would have sent it

What could it be

Doubts in mind

Downstairs she went to collect 

There he stood

With hands in his pocket

Taken aback by this

She smiled in disguise

"What a surprise", she literally screamed,"I love it".

"I know you do. That's why am here", he whispered taking her by her hand for a walk.

Night was young

Breeze was cold

Thump came the sound 

And suddenly she woke up!

This may seem childish
But then

Dreams are foolish!

“Everybody said, "Follow your heart". I did, it got broken” 

― Agatha Christie

Preference

Why would somebody do that?
What thought is behind this action?
It's something that she's not used to!
A different treatment!

"Hmm...."
"After you..." and a hand gesture was made for her to go first on the staircase.

A step onto the stairs but a preference was given. Specifically she was asked to step first.
Something that doesn't happen to her everyday.
Not that she has not been with guys earlier and not that she hasn't been given a special treatment before.
But this was something that had never happened.

As small and insignificant this may seem but was not at that moment.

Men tend to have bigger egos than women. This is how they have been made. Women are easy to break but men are tough! It's hard for them to put someone else before them. But here he had her before her.

This might be not new for him but was new to her.
This might be something he does to every girl but no guy had done it yet for her.

"Don't do it. I am not used to such respect", came her reply.
"Don't do something which puts her in special treatment. Don't do something which you won't do forever. Hope such a day never comes", she though in her mind.

X--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------X

Coming back home from college, she was walking behind him.

He was to open the gate and she was to follow.

Gate was opened wide and was thrown back in sudden flash.

What happened took her by surprise!

"Is this the same person who used to ask her to go first or at-least take note that somebody is following", she thought.

Might have been an upset situation, might have been a tensed state of mind, might have been her doing something to piss him off. 

This wasn't imagined but this is what happened. And a happy moment was erased.

                   X-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------X

This wasn't something on the list of expectations but it's hard to ignore it after making someone habitual of that. It takes time for people to forget about the special things but it happens and happens with a pinch of pain. Funny that people make you used to certain things that they start and when they stop doing that, you are the only one missing it being done!

Fall 2016 !

O thy leaves that fall
My heart cries for a part of me is now gone.
Yours truly,
Mourning trees

...

O dearest tree, just stand tall
For this is just a phase called fall
I am gonna sprout on your branches again
In a new fresh form and be your part again!
Yours truly,
Falling leaves

The term called ... !

It comes in disguise but hurts like hell. When there is nobody for you to talk to. To open up, to share what you think or what you want to say! Complete silence becomes your companion. Only sound that you hear of is of trees rumbling outside your window. Scene of friends giggling at night, people going out in groups are other sources that makes you feel terrible even more when you miss the part of your life when you used to be that.

But yes, it's hard for anyone else to understand how this could be someone's part of life. As they have never faced it! For them being lonely is an alien feeling and not having people around to talk is a myth. Yes, it's up-to you to open up and talk to others but not every time you land with people. Sometime you land up alone with people!

Ever wondered how it feels like when you come home and you have no to talk to?
Whole day is gone and you never talked except on messaging apps?
One hour was the max time you were in actual human contact?

Longing loneliness is creepy and is sticks around to make one feel sick!
Sick with pain!
Sick with depression!

But it's hard for anyone else to understand and once you are in, there's a hard way of getting out of it!
But one who has been in such a situation would understand! You don't get friends, you make friends. But to make friends, people should be there!

You talk, you mingle but the other one is selfish enough to just use and throw you away!
Would you make friends with such people? Are these people even fit to be called friends?
Nobody asks for any friend to stick around 24*7, but it's nice to have someone by your side! And when the one you had expected would do so, ignores you, it kills!

But you won't understand
Neither do I expect you to understand it
Not anymore

The term called Loneliness !

But .... !

In low times, when she needed an ear
You were supposed to be by her side and listen what she has to say.
Not to react, not to support
but just listen to what she wants to express.
But you were not there!

Times when you were supposed to be neutral
and not mock her
You joined the other people laughing on her
This is how it all ended!

You are just one of the people
mocking her
making her feel even more low
shattering her trust to pieces
and
lowering her esteem at every moment
and then you ask
what did I do!

It's all Fading !

It was supposed to be fun!
We were supposed to work as a team and win this together!
Having fun and making it all more fun was how the course was assumed to be!
You completing me and me completing you was how it should have been!

Nothing is complete in this world.
Nobody can survive alone and without any support.

But see how we ended up!
Fighting and arguing on stuff which makes no sense!
Growing apart every single moment, distancing myself from you seems to be the only way out now to me!
For you just don't realize what you mean to me and what you did to me!
You lied and you have been lying to me since the moment I asked you the truth.
You broke the trust which I thought you would never brake!
But then it's my fault that I trusted my respect with you and not yours for this may have been the plan since the beginning and I was just stupid to fall for it!
Another Girl!
Didn't know this is how you looked at me!
For you were the only guy in my life I had allowed to this extent!

Everything is fading now!
I don't talk
I don't smile
I don't meet people
I don't eat
I don't work
I just don't live anymore!

I was supposed to be happy I have been happy and I hate at what I have become now and I hate more to see what I shall be if I will be this much aloof all the time. And I blame myself for all this, for trusting someone with the thought that we will be happy together, for believing that people can be trusted, for being stupid to follow you and love you till date eve after I know you never loved me!

Stupidity

How actually can you define stupidity!
What it means may be different to different people but at the end it is Stupidity after all so we don't have to be wise enough to make out or justify what that is stupidity what it is!

Leading a day without planning is stupidity! You have nothing to eat, you are unwilling to walk 0.5 miles for that but you can get ready in 5 minutes and go to some socialite event for enjoyment. That is stupidity! Coming back and then doing some adventure to get food - and then narrating the story to others as if some heroic act was performed - That is stupidity!
Trying to close eyes to the upcoming event to simply enjoy the pleasures - that is stupidity!

Not every time life needs to be planned! You were born as a human, a body with brain and the best orgns one mamal can have and not an animal! Think, plan and ction otherwise one day you will end up as a mess and nothing else!

You need to chill!
You need to relax!
We will figure something out!

You just cant live your life without thinking about how to face the at hand problem when you know it's there right in front of you. Not every time trouble will send you an invitation card to get ready for them but if something can be avoided, it should be! If you can avoid trouble for the next moment now then why to leave it to uncertainty!

What is intellectual and what is stupidity cannot be defined for scientists are yet to discover a measure to measure both. But certain things every human mind can interpret and be prepared for!

Till death do us part !

I hear your cries

Yes, I do

I see the pain and suffering

It makes me restless to see you faint like this

But I won't let you die!

I am gonna be there for you

For you have been my sole friend in this lone journey of sad life

Whenever I was in pain

you let me paint you

My anger you absorbed

without any fear

You let me by myself

with no fear of being ignored, misjudged and ill-treated

So how can I let you die alone

We will live together

We will die together!

That's a promise.

Till death do us part !

L.O.S.T.

She is a one man woman. And the only man she loved is now a LOST cause. Lost in the battle of trust and love, faith is now gone and will never be regained again from the heap of treachery.

Trust was what she had in him and time pass was how he saw her. Use and Throw – she didn’t know when she became that for him.

She lost her respect to him! Lost her trust in love! Cheated again by time and trust she is now broken and shattered to cry to sleep every night. Suicide is not an option but praying for an accident to happened to be the cause for her death is something she has in her prayers now.

They meet every day – she remembers all the moments they had spent together and can’t take the fact out from her mind that he has a girlfriend.

Love – Doesn’t exist

Oneiric – Doesn’t exist

Strength – Doesn’t exist

Trust – Doesn’t exist

All that he has for her is – Who are You!

If you are listening .... Listen Carefully!

Dear Sir
It's not a game
With feelings and emotions attached
It's not all that bearable now!

I see her having sleepless nights
one after another
night by night
waking up to painful bruises
in her heart
for being treated like shit!

Could you not disrespect her atleast
If you cannot respect her at all?
Could you not hurt her
If you cannot give her happiness at all?
And
Could you not give her tears
If you cannot bring a smile on her face at all?

For her eyes are really tired of crying all the time now!